Journal Entry: Sat Apr 13, 2013, 12:07 PM
Well it's time to let you all know the truth. to let you know all about me and what I do and who I am.
This is my confession, my sins, My soul, what I am and what you can do to change this. Please I implore you. no messages to the people I mentioned. no flaming or drama. there has been enough already and I don't want any harm to come to anyone but me. These are people that have brought me to the point because of my anger towards myself for what I done to them. It's time everybody knows the truth the monster that lies within. What the hell is wrong with me. Read carefully and judge impartially.
Confession 1: Natsuki Raichu
I meet her 4 years ago via DA. I loved her art and her attitude. She was different, she was wonderful, she was brilliant. someone I could of called a friend. That was until this screaming libido of mine took over. I began to become perverted, very perverted with her. She let it go until I did something that would result in her becoming the first person I hurt. something so stupid and completely lacking on any decency and common sense, I asked for photos of her genitalia. I know the first thing that you would ask is "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Well I was stupid and I was itching more to get my freak on with anything with a vagina that my balls had my brain under foot and it ended up resulting to My first maybe my greatest regret. She was right to put the Dragoneer defense on me. And I tried many a time to have her forgive me. Even after a reformation. Still no. And it's a scar I bared for the past 4 years. Now you know this truth. between me and her
Confession 2: The community of the Pokemorph MUSH
I heard of this MUSH (online text based mmo) Well there is a lot i done here but I will narrow it down to the three greatest offences I committed in this place that resulted in my expulsion. I Harassed a player trying to contact them any way possible when they wanted nothing to do with me. I sexually harassed a girl who was just trying to be my friend. and I was very vulgar in a public chat. I was nuked and told not to come until further notice. Another thing that my balls and lack of common sense ruined.
Confession 3: Malnist
He was one of the coolest dudes i knew a talented "new retro" artist with a flair for the imaginative and a heart of gold. Unfortunately once again my libido got in the way. I creeped him out with nothing but sexual rps, and trying to convert one of his characters to a nudist. My mind was once again on the chase. resulting in the loss of what could of been a good friend.
Confession 4: Lightest the mewtwo.
She was a interesting gal with her concepts and her explosive imagination topped with a touch of sensuality and purity. Things were fine between us until one day out of the blue I got blocked. She unblocked me for a short time and explained that she wanted nothing to do with me. Finding me boring and unimaginative.
Confession 5: chocobouchees
A beautiful real media artist, her art was something to behold and she had a wonderful sweet and loving personality. I was much much less to her. It was not only the chase that may of warded her off but it also was my lack of imagination. one day I was blocked without rime or reason.
Confession 6: Kompy
Once again the chase and boringness creeped her out to the point she said she could not be friends with me.
so I just decided to unwatch her and stay out of her life pretending she doesn't exist. another scar on my mind and soul i have to bare thanks to my lack of social skills.
Confession 7: Shady the hedgehog
Another victim of the chase and lack of common sense. She is one of the most brilliant sonic style artists I knew. now she wants nothing to do with me because I once again lacked common sense and self control. I kept insisting with sexual RPs and images and look where it got me huh?
There are tons more but these are the greatest ones of notes
Now you start to see the pattern here? All the behaviors of someone who is classified as a creeper, stalker and all around perv. How did I come to this kind of state? let's take a look back into my past.
It was back in 2003 this behavior formed. I got my first glimpse at furry porn and got hooked. it was the image of a nude pikachu gal that caught my attention and drew me to sites like AGNPH, VCL and the like. I soon started participating in Sexual RPs with people on various chat rooms and it was an high I didn't want to come down from. Now i'm to the state that it's the only kind of rp that illicit a real endorphin response and even then I can't seem to put the words together to write anything good! I had it under control though. that was until the problem with natsuki. Then it went all downhill from there. I don't know if something happened to me that day. something inside snapped, Maybe I got put under a curse, Angered some sort of god, or changed a variable in the great equation that threw me out of whack. But now I can;t seem to let go of the past and my sins grow greater. The only thing I want to be to these people is a friend to be given an honest chance to make things right and seal the monster up. But It appears i'm past the point of forgiveness and it's evolved to my ball and chain, the bird around my neck, the pain and anguish that is mine to bear.
I haven't been able to move on. And I am afraid that all these sins are going to follow me to the next realm or next life. I had few sins until then. now I have but one last try. but i'm not leaving it up to me. I'm leaving it up to you all of you who seen this journal. I only want you to comment two ways. Comment with "stone" and why you think I should leave the realm digital and never return. Comment with "spare" and why do you think i should stay and your real advice for helping me. I can't let go of this so it's down to two choices. I said all I am going to say so now i'm leaving you people to judge my fate. Stay or go? This ain't no drama llama thing. this is a serious decision have not the strength of heart to make on my own...
Listening to: nothing